Javier Sandoval

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  • A Blind Turtle Leads My Skiff

    March 6, 2023
    Literary Journals, Poetry

    This poem was originally published in the March 2023 issue of Wild Roof Journal
    My turtle friend says, Don't ever pray for specific outcomes.
    		When the skiff's mast nearly topples under flames,
    Don't pray for rain, only for the strength to give it up . . . give it up.
    
    Once captain of a big brass boat, I washed ashore on a big bad rock
    		and heard, When we ask for things, we lead ourselves astray.
    My turtle friend says, Don't ever pray for specific outcomes.
    
    Clung to bottle, snuff, pearls . . . and any siren if I found one
    		that clutched back as hard as I should've fought away.
    Don't pray for love, it only comes when you give it up, when you give it up. 
    
    The serenity to accept thirst . . . 
    	The strength to look from the sea's cruelties 
    		to your own . . . 
    			The wisdom to pray
    				so you can swallow drowning as it comes . . . 
    					And never for an outcome.
    
    When you steered the boat, look where you've gone: toward sharks 
    		and krakens, away from loved ones waiting at the bay 
    for your return; all for rusting treasure—you just couldn't give it up.
    
    But if this skiff can ramp over every wave, withstand each typhoon, and dodge
    		each dark mouth, will I be forgiven? Or will I be cast away?
    My turtle friend says, Don't ever pray for specific outcomes.
    	For fate . . . To inner god, for inner calm . . . As for the rest, give it up.
    		Give it up . . .
    

    The original publication at Wild Roof Journal.
    You should follow me on IG: @JavierWantsCandy.

  • En la cocina before Mass

    March 3, 2023
    Literary Journals, Poetry
    Abuelo poured red desert whisky
    into lamb's milk warmed
    by his new young lady
    
    Told me, Mijo
    drugs are like gold diggers
    they're worth doing
    when you're already broke
    
    His sweet young lady scoffed
    and leaned against the cracked-stucco wall
    
    He wiped my chin
    before feeding me
    the bottle
    
    So drink, Mijo 
    drink so you won't cry
    
    cold and 
    broken 
    in church
    
    
    
    

    The original publication at Querencia Press: Autumn 2022 Anthology. 
    You should follow me on IG: @JavierWantsCandy.

  • Good luck hiding it

    February 27, 2023
    Literary Journals, Poetry
    like that cold, Colt pistol
    shoved back in your drawer—
    how it knows in the wear 
    of its grip, each red time
                                                              you've severed yourself from God.
    
    

    The original publication at Querencia Press: Autumn 2022 Anthology. 
    You should follow me on IG: @JavierWantsCandy.

  • A Breath of Grace

    February 27, 2023
    Literary Journals, Poetry

    This poem was originally published in the August 2022 issue of Anti-Heroin Chic
    Ray Ray and Feather’ve moved 
    from their tent inside Angel’s yard 
    into Teddy’s spare room—Teddy’s the one
    who gave them that bigass tent in the first place,
    after seeing their small, gashed-up one, slumped 
    beneath Angel’s tall and leaning pines. Now he’s told them 
    come on in, he’ll drive them to Tyson, get them jobs deboning chickens— 
    $15/hour, as good as it gets, as good as Target—especially since Target won’t hire 
    people like them ... But Lord, this is gonna bring us all
    nothing but trouble ...
    
    Ray Ray’d asked what I thought 
    before moving in their mattress and duffel— 
    told him, Terrible idea, Terrible. Ted and Ray are always arguing, 
    bout the quality of the stuff Ray hocks for him, bout the money Ray
    owes to him—to me—to Angel. Feather kept quiet ... She can stand Ray 
    arguing with another man, even getting the shit kicked out of his all-bone breast, 
    if it means she can color inside with AC — 
    instead of 90 degrees.
    
    Apparently, since moving in
    Ray Ray’s had to lock their door every night— 
    Teddy marches in his sleep, his old Marine routine, 
    going Hup Hup, thrusting his rifle up at the roof. Feather 
    tried bringing in a dresser they’d found on the street, but Teddy 
    said no cause it might have spirits, made them haul it to the side of the road 
    by the trash can no one ever bothers 
    to roll back in.
    
    I try to leave them alone, 
    paranoid bout more trouble
    with the law—and why carry on 
    with a gun-toting, war-torn veteran 
    more than he asks of you? With a scheming 
    loco chicken who calls me his friend only when
    he’s bout to stack his debt with me? But my dumbass
    keeps peeking in when I hear them arguing, like that missing 
    hundred rack that was thumbtacked to Teddy’s wall: Teddy, man, 
    you check your fridge? Then of course, Well damn! There it is! My lady 
    grabs at me, Don’t get involved, when they start swinging fists on their front lawn— 
    but still I run off our porch toward them with open arms, going Everybody just chill,
    and offering them smokes from my new 
    pack of Kool cigarettes.
    
    Puffing, we all take a deep, gray breath ... 
    Till Teddy scoffs at Ray, Soon as I’m done, 
    I’m back to stomping your bony chest. Well I say,
    Thank God there’s a whole pack here then. Ray Ray 
    chuckles, Atta boy, Jav. Thank God. And even Teddy laughs, 
    and nods, Sure ... Thank God ... Lord, until this pack’s gone ...
    Thank God ... 
    Thank God ...

    The original publication at Anti-Heroin Chic.
    You should follow me on IG: @JavierWantsCandy.

  • Cicada, Ladybug

    March 3, 2023
    Books, Fiction

    Description

    When their grandfather goes missing, teenaged Santiago and seven-year-old Izzy fear being separated. To raise his little brother, Santiago sacrifices a scholarship to Duke and often outwits ICE, but when Izzy fights a classmate, Santiago struggles to teach him that real men avoid violence — without revealing that in order to provide for him, he’s joined MS-13, America’s most dangerous gang.

    Reviews

    “The incredible juxtaposition of heartfelt tenderness and intense action gives it the depth, passion and sincerity of Hemingway and Kerouac combined. Loved the entire read.” 

    —Emma on Amazon

    “The writing is both fast-paced and acute, giving us frightening action while still diving into the emotional details. The author uses creative and unexpectedly on-point metaphors to describe what the characters are doing. It’s a fun and quick read that will have you curious, in suspense, and a little horrified (in a good way). Definitely recommend.” 

    —Pete on Amazon

    Purchase

    AUDIBLE | $2.62
    KINDLE | $2.99
    IBOOK | $2.99

    Additional

    The Green Light (excerpt)

    Cockfights, Gangs & Hip-Hop Music (interview)


    You should follow me on IG for updates and jokes: @JavierWantsCandy.

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